Values & Boundaries
Clarify what matters to you in relationships and translate those values into specific, doable boundaries. Fill this in when you feel settled — perhaps over more than one sitting.
A note before you start: boundaries are statements about your own behaviour and needs, not demands about someone else's. "I will step away if the conversation becomes shouting" is a boundary; "You are not allowed to raise your voice" is a demand. Keep it about what you will do, and what you need to feel safe.
Part One — My Values in Relationships
What matters most to me in how I am treated
e.g. honesty, respect, being listened to, being allowed to change my mind.
What matters most to me in how I treat others
What kind of partner / friend / family member do I want to be?
Relationships where I feel most like myself
What is present in those relationships that helps? Name the qualities.
Relationships where I lose myself
What do I notice — in my body, thoughts and behaviour — when it happens?
Part Two — Where I Need Boundaries
Situations where I regularly feel resentful, drained or overwhelmed
Resentment often points to a missing boundary.
Things I say yes to when part of me is saying no
Requests, roles, conversations, contact. Be specific.
Signals from my body that a limit is being crossed
e.g. tight chest, sinking stomach, held breath, a flat 'gone' feeling.
Part Three — Drafting My Boundaries
Try this simple template for each boundary you want to set:
"When [situation] happens, I feel [emotion / bodily state]. What I need is [need]. So I will [what I will do]."
Boundary 1
Situation, feeling, need, action.
Boundary 2
Situation, feeling, need, action.
Boundary 3
Situation, feeling, need, action.
Part Four — Holding the Boundary
What I expect might make this hard
e.g. guilt, fear of their reaction, an old story that I'm being selfish.
A kind, honest phrase I could use
Short is fine. e.g. 'I'd love to help but I can't take that on right now.'
Who or what can support me in holding this
A person to text afterwards, a grounding practice, a reminder to myself.
How I will look after myself if there is pushback
A boundary is still a boundary even if the other person doesn't like it.